Sunday, August 2, 2009

The God of Thunder & The Prince of Darkness, or which deities and demigods help your football team get to the top?

There was more than a little controversy on Twitter at the end of last week about people using the names of coaches to post Tweets. The University of Louisville formally asked Twitter to get rid of the fake Steve Kragthorpe when the person tweeting under @SteveKragthorpe with the Louisville Cardinals coach's image starting making comments like "Whoa man saw that Erin Andrews video hubba hubba". So I started looking at all the twittering Big East football coaches with a sharper eye and I was struck not by any of Pittsburgh coach Dave Wannstedt's inanities (which made him seem all too real), but by the great background image on @CoachWannstedt's Twitter page:
Here's a transcript of a Twitter conversation in 140-character bites that began between @BeatVisitor and @FakeGregSchiano last night and continued this morning:

BV: Hey @FakeGregSchiano ! Why don't you have a cool god-of-thunder-&-lightning Twitter background like the fake Wannstache at @CoachWannstedt ?
FGS: @BeatVisitor Simple: I have been too busy with my many other fake duties to change the background.
@BeatVisitor Also, I'm pretty sure @CoachWannstedt is the real deal.
BV: @FakeGregSchiano The fact that @CoachWannstedt probably is the Echt Wannstedt makes the God of Thunder background even funnier.
FGS: @BeatVisitor Careful - laugh in the face of Zeustedt and prepare to be struck down.
BV: @FakeGregSchiano If Thor Zeusstedt controls lightning, then what superpowers do you use to beat him so consistently??
FGS: @BeatVisitor A quick-strike offense and/or opportunistic defense. I'm also an alchemist, but that doesn't help with the football stuff.
BV: @FakeGregSchiano You could also sell your soul to the original Scarlet Knight @TweetsFromHell if you haven't already..
BV: @FakeGregSchiano .... because a Prince of Darkness can always trump a God of Thunder (@CoachWannstedt) on the gridiron..
BV: @FakeGregSchiano .... and a National Championship (or 2 or 3) is worth one fake immortal soul, isn't it?
FGS: @BeatVisitor The original Scarlet Knight is the Prince of Darkness?! Whose side are you ON??
BV: @FakeGregSchiano. I'm just saying. He looks pretty scarlet to me, and we can't afford to turn down anyone's offer to help ...
BV: @FakeGregSchiano ... but of course we can assume that all the other coaches in the National Championship hunt have already sold their souls.

And really, how cool would it be if instead of pointing to the sky (or roof) and thanking Jesus for a victory and talking to the cameras about going to DisneyWorld, some jubilant Superbowl-winning quarterback of the future pointed down at the ground and yelled, "I'm GOING TO HELL!!!"? (Or is that a simple description of Michael Vick's comeback plan?)

Speaking of dialogues with much greater comic potential than the one reproduced above, it should be known that @NunesMagician made this promise on Twitter yesterday: "Consider yourselves warned...The Octonion cometh..." For those few of you who haven't been privy to previous meetings of The Octonion, please click here. I expect that the Scarlet Knight will once again provide the hearty liquid refreshments to the foul-mouthed USF Bull, the dim Mountaineer, the effeminate Husky, and, of course Otto the Orange ("Kisses for everyone!!!"). We can't wait.

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